moving on

TUESDAY 14^th June 2011

2204hrs

The anxiety and the uncertainty for the outcome of the recent events is gone. I don’t feel anything for the moment. I did all I could and after feeling that all was in vain a sudden flow of regret threw away all that was in my heart. M clean now. I don’t know how long I would stay like this but I feel its not momentary. I got a hunch that this would stay. And I want it to stay. Just don’t want waste my life trying to dig a well in the desert.

If I have to shower my feeling for someone then I want it to be showered on someone who deserves. I don’t want my efforts to go in vain.

Soon I would be a free man. I know its going to be hard for sometime but I have things to manage myself and I know just suffering for a few moments will bring greater peace and happiness in our life latter on.

I know convincing everyone about my decision is going to be hard but I know that they will understand with time. For the moment I have decided to be silent. Everything will fall in its place when the time comes.

The only thing that creats doubts in me is my emotional nature and I don’t want that to creat any hindrance. I know I have to be strong. And if it demands being rude or ruthless so be it. I wont hesitate if it is required.

I now have no other options left. The thing I want will never be there. The thing that once was mine, aint mine anymore and I am not that cheap or selfish to take things just for my sake……….just cant do it anymore nor can I take it. Enough is enough. I would let u burn me to ash but I wont allow you to pee on my ashes. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore nor do I want to keep my happiness in anyone’s hand…………….

Just cant take it anymore……just cant do it anymore.

just want peace……..

Prem Tamanno…

The girl and the house.....

THE GIRL AND THE HOUSE.

There was a girl who lived in a far of place all alone in very big house. She lived there from a very long time. She was very found of that house. She used to decorate it paint it and used to furnish it. She loved it so much that she needed no one else. She used to talk with the house laugh with it play with it and stay with it.

The house loved her very much. Anything she wanted or did to it, it just accepted without any complaints. Tried to give her all the best it could. Shelter from the wind rain and sun. space to run wild and dance around. The house just loved her too much.

But slowly as time passed the house became old. Heavy rains and storms weakened it. The color faded and the walls cracked. The girl saw this and started loosing interest. She started going out in the wild to play and talk. Started to ignore the needs of the house. The house started looking more and more old. Many a times she tried to move out and many a times she did but somewhere in the corner of her heart the love for the house was too strong which always made her come back. Each time she came she came a little less.

She somehow decided that she would stay in the house for ever and the house was too happy for the house always stayed where it was for her. The house tried to give her the best it could but her needs were more than it could imagine. She had already lost her fondness and she looked for happiness from out side……..

Then came the winters. Cold and dark……… she was all alone. It was chilly and scary sometimes. One day she found a flame. The flame gave her warmth and joy that she needed. She started playing more and more with the flame. She became so found of it that she totally forgot the house. one day a storm came and she got scared and ran to the house. But she took the flame with her. The house got scared looking at the flame for it knew that it might burn him. But he saw that she was too happy with the flame to see that it had started heating up the house. She was so busy playing with the flame for it gave her warmth and joy the liveness in her life that she didn’t realize that it might burn the house down. Soon the house started burning slowly. Somehow she realized but was too scared to do anything. For she knew that if she put outs the flame the warmth and the joy would be gone. She kept wondering what to do, the flame kept burning the house and the house kept burning silently. Neither she wanted to burn the house nor she wanted to put out the flame…….

She didn’t act and when she realized it was too late. The house burned to ashes and so was gone the flame……there she stood all alone in the dark wondering why she didn’t put out the flame………..but it was too late…

The house lay there in ashes…………she stood there alone………………

Soon someone might build the house again

Soon she might find a new friend to play……………..

Prem Tamanno