Goodies

5th october 2010, tuesday
2340

i feel like a person who sees a small ray of light amids darkness. i hope that the dark clouds may pass and there would be a clear sky soon enough. and the sun would shine again. soon enough. god really is crazy. amids all the hell he gives you just one thng that keeps you going and going. you live on and on on just one little happiness. he got to keep his balances and ofcoures give us reasons to remember him. well somebody pls tell goddie that i remember him in good times too. and i thank him a lot ofent.

i never did thought that this could actually happen someday. but now that it really has lets enjoy it till it lasts. for i belive in one thing and only one thing that nothings for ever. and soon enough this feeling would pass too. and then it wont be able to make me this happy. so now let me enjoy.......

V G J

M E

ME

me! Stupid me. This is not I want or the way I had wanted it. Things could had been different and better. M just living the way it comes. Compromising on every aspect. Not that I am compromising wwith people or for other things. No not atall. ( I should atleast have a right to piss people off) but the thing is that I am compromising with myself. My ways. my thoughts. And my freedom. M like a sailless boat amids the ocean. Would flot where ever it takes me.

I don’t blame anyone nor do I have anything to complain. Life is just beautiful the way it is. I am not frustrated or restless with the things around me. Everything is fine. Coz m happy with myself. I don’t like to offend people but I have offended a lot of. I didn’t mean to. They got offended. It always happen when you try to mould other peoples ways. everybody is not foolish. If you try to bend the course of a stream you get wet don’t you? Why do you blame the water then. Simply coz your age is more than me doesn’t mean that you would always be right. Nor that what you think should only be they way that I should think. Your thought and belief are yours not mine. Let me find my own ways. and if I am wrong let me find it on my own. This way I would respect you more.

When I dont ask for your help I don’t need you to show that you care. Pls don’t fake it.

WHY DO YOU JUDGE ME?

27^th september 2010, Monday-0025hrs

Why do you judge me?

Well the heading itself says whats going in my heart. Well the thing is i never gave a damn thought to what people would say about my affairs but when that people come to be your family members it aches somewhere.

Blame me for the things i have done, no problem but why do you blame me for the things that i have not. Well thats gonna hurt. For what do you know what i do and what i dont. What do you know how i do things and how i dont. And when you dont know a thing why do you make a statement?

It may look to you that what you think is right. But its not. And i feel pity for you to be such a fool to know right from wrong. For after so many years you dont even know what are the facts.......

I dont give a damn about what the world thinks about me for i know what i am and what i am not. i just want them to blame me rightly...........

But one thing is clear that nobody is going to appericiate my work coz the simple reason is i dont barg and advertise about it. Coz i am an itrovert by nature. I dont share my feeling even with my close friends unless asked or i feel they might understand.

but thats not the way the world goes. It needs expressions. Advertisement. And thats something i am not too good at. And if they are saying that i am good for nothing today.....tomorrow they are goona say for sure that i am a thief......

and now that makes me think otherwise. I will have to look at my options......and i would have to make things right before it gets too late.....gonna do something now.

Coz i dont know wether this are delibrated or unintentional mind games they are playing but one thing is for sure that this blame game is gonna cost me my brother. And that fool doesnt understand that. I dont know what i am gonna do. But i just hope that i work out something.

CHANGE IN THE WIND

Friday, September 17, 2010 1800

The changing winds.

Things change. It’s a universal truth. Nothing is forever. Nothing is for sure. Everything might look fine today but just with a blink of an eye things might be otherwise. Today what you consider to be your strength might become your weakness tomorrow. What you are proud of today might be a matter of shame tomorrow. Your todays reason for doing things and running behind things would look totally futile tomorrow. But then I might ask my self what should be the deciding factor that I would decide things on. Even I myself am subjected to change with time. Even my views and my thought and almost everything about me is gonna change with time.

Today I somewhat regret my past actions looking at the present. Well I did things looking for the future at that time. The future has come and its not the way it should be like. So if I do things looking at the past and the present and for the future againg I would be making the same mistake wount i???

Life was simple and good. For I knew what I was doing or what I wanted or what I thought or what I wished for. But then all of a sudden the winds started changing. And it shook me to the very core. Its like travelling in a sail boat and the winds change. You got to change your very direction and that’s all that you could do about it.

Its real hard. Hard coz you keep on wondering the reason why. But thts gonna be really foolish aint it. For who asked you to decided the rest of the course when you were not sure about the course of the wind in the first place. So its just ending up at a conclusion that it was all your mistake. It looks funny and absurd but at the same time it shakes you to the core your being because everything has lost its meaning now. You feel alone and confused about the whole thing. And the real irony is that you cant even blame anyone for that. Its really stupid.

Now I am at a point that I could not decide what I have to do and what I don’t have to. All my thought my belifes my doings are a kind of doubt. And when your very intentions are questioned then there is nothing left to it, is it?

But then again I ask myself when I know the facts and I trust my belifs and intentions. Then whats wrong in keeping ion the same track and then again I think that it would again be really stupid of me…..

It all looks really stupid and really its all absurd and foolish and then again its pain in the ass………

Just confused that’s all………time would pass……winds would change again and in the mean time I would set my sails right……aint gonna give up that easy my friend……..
Rabba khair…….

september 10th 2010, friday

2030

hi

nothing particular just felt like writing something so here i am. just a few weird thoughts and my self talk thats what you gonna find out in this blog......

m lazing around form last 2 and a half months......no job not much work. cant get my head into anything much. somethings wrong and its prety bad. somethings ittiching my heart real bad.

sometimes you get screwed just coz of what you think and what yu belive to be true. sometimes its not like that. maybe i am making things up which are really not in real the way i think them to be. but then you cant just let go it thinking that you are wrong. for you yourself dont understan whats right or whats wrong. and then at some point, based on that thought, when you ook at the past you feel that you had been preety stupid and all the things that you had been doing were useless. and suddenly you feel that you have preety much screwed up your preety god damn years behind that.

when i lokk at myself and my life i just wonder what the heck is going on. like look at me. i am, at present living a royal liffe which any one at this point would be dreaming about. a life which is far better than the rest of the people i look around. look at it man at some point i got it all... a enfield....every bikers dream....cells...not just one but two. money...clothes....just look at my wardrobe man you would be surprised....( what you gonna say if i told you i got 30 jeans, levi's, spykar, pepe, woods, lee cooper.....more than 50 t shirts, and 40 shirts......i know m a bit crazy about cloths....)and a laptop which is a sony vaio.....and not only that its my third laptop in 3 years......i almost got everything a guy my age would wish for.and above all almost no one to interfear.....(m a jerk who doesnt listen to any one) good business. and i totally forgot i got friends man. would say dimonds. everything is fine and almost more than enough. but still something is troubling my heart.

there is nothing that i wish for. nothing that i want or that i think that i should have....nothing. but still something is not there which should be there.

well thats it for today......

bye....

Moji Swami

HI


My bull went numb. Cant really do without it.riding him is just one beautiful thing that I love to do every single day. When I hear its 350 cc engine roaring,it just makes my day. Riding him is just a bliss I cant put into words.

Its not a new and beautiful machine. Its an 1982 model. 3 years older than me. But is still going strong and very realible. Never has it ever kept me in middle of the way……. I just love my bull. I call him Moji. It may sound stupid but I do talk to him too. Everyday I take him for a ride when I go to office. Its just 10 kms away. I go in the morning and comeback in the eve at 5. the straight open road really lets me enjoy the beauty of the ride. All the way I hear its smooth sound…

Will tell you his history someother time.
Think I would be taking him to his doc tomorrow. Hope he hits the road soon.

_______________________________

heartaches.

hi....



when your heart breaks you know how it feels, but when you see someone with a broken heart looking for your help, you do stupid things like its your ego, you got to be practical man, you have to move on...etc etc. but things are really to different for that. when your heart breaks no one other than you can acually help you. all you can do is say all the things that are in your mind and just wish that the other persons understands what you are goin through. but the fact is that they cant even feel a small part of it. your pain is all yours. the other can nly look in your eyes and wonder whats wrong with this guy.



my friend was in that horrible state. i could see him all messed up but there was very littel i could do about it other than just to take his attention of the topic. i could see the pain and the tears in his eyes and the only thing i could do about it was to wish that it all goes away soon.



my mind saw things from a practcal point that what gone is gone and there is nothing anyone could do about it. i said that to him what i thought and what i felt but he just said........i know it bloody well to but come tell those things to my heart if he understands that too........and then there was very littel to say.



i had been with him to teach him how to mean his broken heart and ended up learning how to be with a person with a broken heart............



your reasons and logics just hurt them even more....even if you intensions are good for them......but it doesn work that way......



i learnt my lesson..........so the next time i see a person with a broken heart i am just gonna sit silent and try to feel and listen to what his heart say.....