Everydays the same

16TH FEB 2010

Good evening


I got up from my bed at 0830 feeling a bit weak after a late night yesterday and a after fighting a battle with my mind whether to go to job or not. Went home and saw my cousin brother and sister there already. They were there to pick up mom for they had to go to a relatives place as there had been a death. Things got late and I got ready late. Another excuse for not going. I got into my livis jeans a brown top I put my shoes on. Totally ready to go and after locking the door I stood outside the balcony smoked cigarette feeling how my body was feeling after the late night. I finally finished my cigarette opened the lock again, took of my shoes,got out of my jeans and top, got in to my shorts and ya I didn’t go to job.


i had been regular last month. Really unbelievable for some people. Well you can say I have a history of being regularly unregular for the job.

What to say for what I did for the rest of the day. Apart form smokng a couples of cigerattes and latifs 5 cup of chais, Almost nothing much. Played Generals on my laptop. Good game. But takes a lot of time and pretty challenging to. Then had my lunch and took a nap. Got up played generals again and it was 2000 by then then listened to osho and the day was over. Just a waste of day and a loss of one days pay.

The only thing good about the day, apart from that, my big friend called me. We had a good time talking and the best thing was what he requested me.( a number) well I cant and I wont tell you about it coz if he finds out that I have made it public then I think he would dig my grave and I would be deprived of my funeral rights.

I just don’t understand sometimes why I do things like that. I should had be in bed by 0100 the last night. Instead I was up till 0440. well just a bad choice. If I had made the right choice I would had been different altogather. But then I would not had been me and I love the way I am. So in the end all is well with a few mistakes. I read somewhere –life becomes more intresting if you make mistakes. Pretty lame but true.

My days go by just the same way. Every day there is always a moment when I request the spoiled one in me to make changes, well in every front of my life. But then I don’t know but I usually forget it as soon as the session with my angel is over and then the things stays the same.

sometimes all my days in the week are the

same. nothing much done.

Missing my buddies

life can be a bitch if your friends are away from you....... i really miss my friends.

how can we forget those stupid fools with whome i have spend the best of shunshines and moonless nights with.

we were just a small bunch of guys. but used to stick togather all day longs. the only reason that we used to depart everyday was coz our parents thought that we had homes and we should be there at times.

When I look through the window of the past I cant belive the stupid things we did. Hunting dogs on a scooter with stones in hands, riding on all the unknown terrians. The latifs chai, the outstanding amounts on all the pan shop. Soking from the same cigret. Our sweet little love stories.Teasing the dammar in our group. Its all flashes in my heart as if it was just yesterday.

Today we are all apart from each other. Indifferent corners of the country, but thanks to the cell phones and the cheap call rates we still are in contact. And when we talk it still feels as if we are together.

But it has been 7 years we have not been together. Seven bloody years. Ya I have seen my friends from time to time but still all of them together is till a dream. Life just made us too busy to be together. We still remember each other love each other but I don’t know why cant we find time for each other. Sometimes its just true that we don’t have time or sometimes just that our piorities are different. Or just sometimes we are just too selfish.

but still friendship is a very strange thing. no matter how mad you are at them for not showing up on your door, when you see them you just sart with " kyu chutiye kaha margaya tha" and thats all. all tthe old thoughts just vanishes......

i dont know what to right more of this stupid things but this is all from my heart....

any ways thats all for now.

going through a very bad phase. sometimes it could be so tough that you just wish to run away.....really very hard to let go the one you love more than your life. situations and conditions oblige us to do things that our souls never accept. sometimes you just wish that you were better of dead than this.

you feel totally alone. not knowing where to go what to do whom to turn to. then you just start running for the fact and reality. making yourself busy in watching movies and playing pc games....and sometimes writing blogs even....

why does it happen that the only thing you wish for and wish for so hard is the only thing that you never get?

why do they say that they are doing things for your happiness when the only thing they are doing is hurting you?

its so hard to be burning with in and faking a smile on your face. its your life and still you have to live it according to someone else.

i m too confused. knowing not what to do. i dont know why do i just wish for the thing that is never possible. you know what, if you want to be happy never listen to your heart.... coz the only thing that its going to give you is pain.......