compromises

Saturday 21^st May 2011

4:11 PM

I guess things will not work out the way I thought. May be he has thought of something else for me or may be he is giving me time to think properly. May be this is a warning of what lies ahead and asking me to make my choice. They say he works in mysterious way and my god his ways are confusing.

I don’t want to cheat anyone nor do I want to promise something that I cant fulfill. Don’t want to force anyone into anything. Don’t want to cheat. Don’t wanna make anyone cry just for my selfish reasons.

I had a hitch that this day would come and these questions would arise but wasn’t sure. Thought that it may work out but I was wrong. People sometimes deserve a lot better than what they think is best for them. Sometime you are blinded and your insight is not clear. And when it does get clear, you realize that you have made a mistake. Good that its just not that late now. Things still could be managed somehow.

About happiness, I think its pretty much mutual. You cannot be happy making someone cry could you? Its more like give and take. You got to trade happiness.

They say that the only thing permanent is change. And changes do take place. With time everything change.

You would find this very strange but trust me my experiences say that love cant make you happy. It comes with **** hidden conditions. Trust me a lots of them. For the reason is that love doesn’t stay too long. And while its gone people still are left strangled in the relations. They just don’t realize its time to move on. And that’s the reason love marriages don’t last much. Just coz that OSHO has said that the Indian marriages are far more stable than those in the west and the only reason is that in india they arrange everything from shop to cooking vessels the only thing left out is love. They don’t even think of it. For they know for a stable marriage you don’t need love all you need is a few arrangements.

I don’t know what life has stored for me and nither I am too keen to know. For I know I will surely get what I deserve. Good or bad. But I will. Some day he will call me and say “hey asshole come here and this is what you get now don’t make a fuss and enjoy” and trust me I would be happy with it. For I have stopped fighting a long ago. The more you expect the more you get hurt. For I know there are two ways. 1 that you make a fuss around say things say how much you are unhappy and still take the package and the other is that you quietly take the package and be thankful. For I have see people in life who don’t get a package at all. For I have had my spoils and I am happy with it all. And I find myself at peace with myself. I am a bit happy. So no worries……..

That all for now………

Rabba khair….

4:47 PM

Saturday, April 09, 2011.

Saturdays…….they always start with a bang for me. I don’t know what it has got against me but it always start with a bang.

Had a blab la fight with my distant uncle in the morning. He is angry that we didn’t listen to him in the PSI case. Well we did call him when all of this started but it was of no use. Now for what should we listen to him. The blab la happenend publicly. Now for his age I felt that I should had not said things like that even when I know that I was right. So I called his elder brother. gave some explanations but now they say that its better that we go our way and you go your way. So that be it now. Who give a fuck……….

Friday, April 08, 2011

Its been a long time since I am here again..there are a lots of things to say but I don’t know where to start from….. guess let me start from today and we will keep going back…..

Vadinar , ME and my brother.

I read somewhere that you are the one responsible for your past present and future.. well I feel that’s quite right. I had been living with a image of someone I wanted to be like. Was a bit afraid to leave my comfort zone. Too occupied to see the facts right and too lazy to make changes. After yesterday I have come to understand that me and my brother are something unique for the people of vadinar. we are not just two common figures.

People respect us….i have see older guys standing up and giving there seats to us in public gatherings……inviting us to different occasions…..coming to us when they have problems and for help. I used to take this casually. Never thought for the reason. Always thought that its coz of my dad and me just being his son. But yesterday I realized the real meaning of it all…now I know what is this all about.

Its coz people see the image of my father in us. people expect us to be like him. They want us to fill his shoes. they see hope in us.

i always thought my dads shoes are too big for me to fit in……and that Is a fact. But I also know that I can try. I might not be able to walk in his shoes but I can at least stand. And now its time that we make that stand. My dad never did it for name and fame nor for money and certainly not for himself but he did it for them. What ever be the consequence he never left his stand. I now know what I have to do. And I will do it.

Its time to be Vijaysinh Gagubha Jadeja. Its time to be Gags.Jr.

Now let me tell you the reason for this realization…..

I never agreed with the ways of my dad. Not that I thought that he did the wrong thing. But that his ways were wrong. I thought that things could be done with pleasant ways. that things can be otherwise. Today I understand his ways and I could say that I was wrong. The last incident cleared it all.

The local PSI abused my brother for no reason at all. I would had said nothing if it would had been me at his place. The easy going nature of mine keeps me away from this type of things. My brother told him to watch his mouth. He said what he thought of himself and my bro told him that it wont be good. And he told my bro that he would break his ass someday. That was it.

when my bro told me what happened I asked him y he didn’t slap him right there. Now that was not me saying that. I could never say that. But what followed just kept me wondering.

I filled a case against a PSI at 3am in the morning at a police station where he is incharge and was of to the DSPs office the next morning. Now that was certainly not me. I could not have imagined that in my wildest dream me doing any thing like that. He came and pleaded not to take this any futher. Said he was sorry and that he wont repeat this ever again. I felt like old times. when my dad was around. This things were so common. Now this is the first time in the history of vadinar after my dad left us. No one had done such a thing ever in vadinar after my dad. And now I here people say that who else could had done it, who it could be after him … his sons.

Now this case has spread shivers in vadinar……I hear people saying that now the sons are on the way to be what they are destined to be. I don’t know what will follow but I am very sure what we have to do now……..

rabba khair.

prem tamanno.

7th jan 2005

06-Jan-11, 11:51 PM Hi. Just a few hrs and it would be six years dad passed away. Cant understand how time flew by. I don’t even miss him much nowadays nor do I see him in my dreams. I got his pics in my room but I hardly every look into those. I don’t know if I have accepted the fact and moved on with time or m still fooling myself. When I was at home in the morning for my breakfast just the thought that he is not here with me from last six years made my eyes wet. Sometimes I feel like crying out but tears wont come. Things would had been very different if he had been around. Many of my dreams are left unfinished with him gone forever. The little fights and the stupid jokes the mature talks and he teasing me. The tv fights and the drinking fights. The cigs I used to smoke looking at the gate hoping he wont come. Dad I miss you. I do. But what can I do now. Its too late now. I had been a fool and stubborn. I should had listen to what you had to say. I should had took care of you. You could had been here with us if I would had been different. You left me everything. You planned it well that I wont get stuck in life. But dad you left me alone. There is no one who understands me like you did. And no one who would love me like you did. I cant writ anything much now. Just want to say that I love you. And I really wish that I see you once again in this life……somewhere someday……….. Forgive your stupid son for his stupidities……………. 07-Jan-11, 12:16 AM

The Accident

THE CALL.

Its was the hindu new year.I was at my friends place playing cards when my cell rang. It was my Brother on he other end. He said that a friend of ours had been in an Accident. I was schoked. I asked who was driving. He said it was SukhdevI asked him the details. He said they were five of them and the car went Off road. No one was hurt. My brother asked me to keep it low and to And to come to the spot. I told my friends the case and said that I have to go. They came along Me. I took my bike and off we were to the place.

The thoughts.

Many things flashed though my mind. The car which was just bought six Months back. My friend who was real a very safe driver. I was wondering how He got himself into this. My friends father. I was wondering how would I break The news to him. I thought what people would say and feared that me and myBrother Would be blamed for this.

The spot.

When I got to the spot I wasn’t able to believe what I saw. The car looked Really bad. It had got off road a couple of meters back…it went in to the bushesAnd then due to the rise in the ground. Went in air and hit a concrete wall Breaking the fencing before the crashing the wall and then bounced back Resting in the ditch. I saw my my brother sitting by the side of the car and I Asked him how it all happened. He said that they were behind then in another Car. They saw it go off balance and go into the wall. I asked if he knew how it Happened. He said that they were overtaking a car and a car was coming form The opposite direction. The one sitting beside sukhdev freaked out and pulled The steering which caused the crash

Calling Uncleing

The hardest part of the day was to call sukhdevs dad and to break him the News of the accident. I knew how happy he was to buy a this car and how Much he had waited for it and how proud he felt for having it. I called him and asked him were he was. He said he was in vadinar but his Voice clearly showed he knew something was wrong. He straightly asked me Sukhdev was. We made sure that he was home before we call his dad so I told Him he was safe and at home. He then asked what happened. I told him that There had been an accident and that there was nobody hurt. But the car was Damaged. He asked how was the car in a very shaky voice. I told him the Damage was bad. He again asked were his son was and I assured him he was Safe and at home. He said he was coming to the spot.When he cam I saw the pain in his eyes. The car was badly damaged but more Than that was the spirit. He didn’t worry about the car but thought about The what the people were about to say. For when bad things happen you always Have people around you. Not to share your pain but to add spices to it.

People.

Slowly slowly people from our place began to gather at the spot. I was looking At them. Some really cared and some were just happy that it happened.There were people who just came to enjoy the show and some just to laugh.There were people who came to console and some just to irritate. Some just To justify they were right and some just to scratch the old wounds.

The aftermath.

The car was damaged and so were our spirit. Heart was heavy not form what We had lost but from what we had to hear. But alls well that ends well for No one was hurt. And the damage was much less than we had expected. The car would be back on the road in less than 25grands and the boys who were A bit off track would be on the track too…so we got to much to learn for this.

But it could had been worse.. Life could had been lost. Hearts could had been really broken.Not many people get warnings for there mistakes. We got one and we gotta learn from it.

Bye for now.

V G J

hmmmmm.

30th october 2010, saturday.
1055hrs

hi,

things are going pretty smooth. ofcourse apart from the business ups and downs. financial crisses are over for the time being. when your mind is calm and at ease every thing looks beautiful.

thats all for now.

V G J

26th october 2010,
2015hrs

things are really chainging fast. work is good. and even my financial needs might just get resolved at the end of the week.....might go on for new thing may be.

i have a good feeling about this just let things be like this. when your mind is at peace a lot of things get easy. too easy. and pleset to. things look more preety.......

bye for now.

V G J

The Dawn

25th october 2010, 1715hrs

Time and tide has changed again. the bad timeshave passed. i new aura is felt in the air. things gonna change for good. the strom have subsided.

well its time for the new things now. gotta do a lot. gotto get on with it. so much to do in this small life.

VGJ